Paulina Gretzky Welcomes Back Summer, Danica Patrick Has A Girls Weekend & Bud Light Sign Turned Off
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Paulina Gretzky Welcomes Back Summer, Danica Patrick Has A Girls Weekend & Bud Light Sign Turned Off

May 28, 2023

by Zach Dean June 5, 2023, 3:54 pmupdated June 5, 2023, 11:09 pm

I’m back after a relaxing week away with a family of 17, including five kids all under 3, all under the same roof. Did it give off the same summer vacation vibes as Paulina Gretzky by the lake?

Hell no. No, no, no, nooooooooo.

But hey, I did golf three times with a bad back — I still haven't gotten an adjustment since I bitched about it two weeks ago — burned the hell out of the tops of my feet on Day 2 of the trip, and I’m probably about to get pink eye.

No, animals — it's not from that. I’ll explain later.

What a week away! Been a long time since I shut it down for a week straight, so you’ll have to excuse me if it takes me a bit to get caught back up.

Now, I pretty much didn't check the site at all for seven straight days, but I did notice that David Hookstead appeared to keep those frauds over at Bud Light in check while I was gone.

Thanks, Hook! I’ll restart my Anheuser-Busch vendetta today now that I’m back in the saddle with a couple cliff notes from my trip. Shockingly, none are positive.

What else? Um, we’ll obviously get to Paulina Gretzky starting summer with a bang, and maybe check in on Dancin’ Danica Patrick while we’re at it. I think we should also celebrate the 49-year anniversary of 10-Cent Beer Night, and perhaps unveil the thickest country music duo of all time.

Sound like a plan? Good!

Grab a drink — I’m not because my wife says I have to detox starting today, but you’re welcome to — and settle in. Summer school is back in session.

How's that for a headline to start us off after a week away?! Don't you dare tell me that doesn't peak your interest at least a little.

So, yeah … let's dive in to my vacation. I figure I’ll just throw out some bullet points on my week and let ya’ll digest it however you want.

That's the golf portion of the week. On an unrelated note, my already bad back is worse for some reason today than it was a week ago. Don't know why.

Here's the rest:

Let's go ahead and take a quick break from my trip to check in Paulina Gretzky's day out on the lake. Sadly, she was NOT the woman we pulled back to shore last week.

Feel like there would’ve been a longer line for that honor.

From Paulina's Instagram story over the weekend:

Paulina Gretzky drinks Nooners. Who knew? It's no spiked White Claw, but it’ll do.

OK, back to my trip before we dance with Danica.

Went to Winn-Dixie last Memorial Day afternoon to restock the beer cooler back home, and buddy, when I tell you the only beer that hadn't been touched in that store was the Bud Light I promise you I’m not exaggerating.

When you see videos like this below one circulating the internet and think they may be fake, think again. This thing is a full blown pandemic right now and I’m not sure there's any way out.

#gowokegobroke Bud Light not enjoying it

Anyway, we got back home Saturday and I obviously hit up the Walmart yesterday afternoon to grab some essentials for the week. Ever been to a Walmart on a Sunday afternoon? Absolute wild wild west. Buckle up and hold the hell on.

Yes, the first thing that greeted me was a giant display of Bud Light and Budweiser at the front of the store on sale. Completely full. Not great! It’ll all blow over, though, they said.

Gooooooood luck!

As if that wasn't bad enough, I went out to my favorite BBQ place to pick up food last night and noticed a couple changes. For starters, the usual electronic Bud Light sign in the door was turned off, while the others (Coors, Miller, ‘Open’) were all illuminated bright as ever.

Weird, right?

I go inside and order, and look at the fridge behind the counter and low and behold, no more Mulvaney Light inside. No, I don't think it's because they sold out. Just a hunch.

Turn out the lights, Bud Light. Party's over.

Side note: I still haven't gotten to try the Busch Light Peach because it's not here in Florida yet. Need a review from someone who's had it. I’ll keep you anonymous since I know drinking any AB product is a sore subject right now.

I can almost guarantee you Danica Patrick doesn't drink Bud Light, by the way. No shot. She's anti-vax (see what I did there?), so I assume that means she's sane, and sane people don't drink BL.

Anyway, our girl was back at it over the weekend, going to ANOTHER Taylor Swift concert with the girls. Unreal. What a commitment that must be. I couldn't stomach one concert, much less two, much less thousands and thousands of Swifties.

What do I mean by that, you ask? Well …

What weirdos. I simply can't imagine loving something so much that you’d literally sh*t yourself just to see it. This is why society voted Joe Biden, isn't it? This right here. We’re so screwed.

Oh yeah … Danica! Take it away.

A post shared by Danica Patrick (@danicapatrick)

A post shared by Danica Patrick (@danicapatrick)

A post shared by Danica Patrick (@danicapatrick)

A post shared by Danica Patrick (@danicapatrick)

A post shared by Danica Patrick (@danicapatrick)

Let's ramp this class up before the final bell dismisses us into this early summer Monday night.

Taylor Swift may be on top of the music universe right now, but she's got nothing on country music's Lainey Wilson or Lauren Alaina.

At least on their asses, anyway.

.@Lauren_Alaina and @LaineyWilson are joining forces on "Thicc As Thieves," a track co-written by @LukeBryan.

Nothing like using your giant butts for a quick buck. Love it. These two have (in)arguably the biggest rompers in all of the country music world, and they embrace it head on.

Don't forget about this little number last year:

A post shared by Lauren Alaina (@laurenalaina)

A post shared by Lauren Alaina (@laurenalaina)

A post shared by Lainey Wilson (@laineywilsonmusic)

I know I probably overdue it a bit around here with the Lainey Wilson stuff, but come on, what the hell do you expect?!

Before we let Paulina Gretzky take us into the week, let's touch on a few more things.

For starters, how come nobody told me about Yellowjackets? Unreal show. I know we’ve written about it a few times this year, but I admittedly never read any of it because I didn't think I’d be into it.

I started watching it on my vacation while I iced down my burnt feet and bad back late at night, and I’m 100% in. Hooked. Glued. I watched the penultimate episode of S1 last night — the one where they all trip balls on mushrooms and try to eat the guy — and I was mortified. What an episode.

Does season 2 suck? Need someone to forewarn me now, because I don't wanna be let down. Feel like I’ve heard those rumblings for a few months now, but maybe I’m wrong? Anyway, great show for those looking.

Finally, on our way out, I’d be remiss if I didn't wish everyone a happy 10-Cent Beer Night anniversary from over the weekend.

What a scene. What a time to be alive.

Let's go have a week.

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

Did Paulina Gretzky have a better vacation than I did? Email me at [email protected].

A post shared by Paulina Gretzky (@paulinagretzky)

A post shared by Paulina Gretzky (@paulinagretzky)

A post shared by Paulina Gretzky (@paulinagretzky)

#nightcapsDanica PatrickNightcapsPaulina Gretzky

Zach grew up in Florida, lives in Florida, and will never leave Florida ... for obvious reasons. He's a reigning fantasy football league champion, knows everything there is to know about NASCAR, and once passed out (briefly!) during a lap around Daytona. He swears they were going 200 mph even though they clearly were not.

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Zach Dean